Only Forever
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: One Shot inspired by the Demi Lovato song requested by Geen28. Amanda And Olivia get married.


**Chapter: Only Forever ( Requested by ****Geen28)**

**P O V: Olivia Benson**

**June 1****st**** 2019**

**Advent Lutheran Church****  
2504 Broadway 93rd Street  
New York, NY 10025  
212-665-2504**

She's so nervous right now, it's almost funny. Except I can't laugh, I'm slightly afraid I'll wet myself, between my own nerves and fears. She's trembling slightly, her eyes are stationed squarely on my face, her left hand rests inside my own palm. We're both sweating slightly, it's cute how nervous we both are. Two bad-ass brilliant minded middle age ladies who spend their days taking down the worst criminals man kind has ever known, shaking as we stand in front of our families, friends.

My heart is dancing it's own cadence of melodic nerves. "Just Breathe Manda." I whisper in her ear, watching amused as she shakes slightly from the breeze of my breath hitting her tiny ear hairs. I know I am half telling myself to just breathe, funny how we easily forget how to do the most basic of human functions when we're not thinking about them. Her gorgeous smile rewards me this smile she saves only for me, at least that's what I tell myself, it reaches from one ear to her other, spreading joy and beauty across her whole face. Even her eyes shine a little brighter a deep sparkle I can never pinpoint their color one minute they are a cornflower blue yet another minute later they'll be electrified blue, either way of course to my own honey chestnut eyes they are gorgeous.

"My dear, God, Amanda you are gorgeous." My statement comes out more as a husky whisper than anything else. Her faint blush becomes feverishly close to becoming a dangerous five alarm blaze of amber red flames spreading across her cheeks, I hope I haven't embarrassed her since she is such a private person. Her eyes get me filling with tears of disbelief, I bet she's never been told that before in her life. She should be, it breaks my heart the thought of anyone growing up never being told how precious they are, how beautiful and every person truly is uniquely beautiful in their own persona's.

"You really think so Liv?" "Yes, my love, I do I swear to you before our families, friends, co-workers in God's church. You are beautiful, I love you."

"Olivia?"

Looking up I smile warmly at Rev. J. Elise Brown who is conducting our wedding ceremony "Would you like to be the first to start with your vows?" "Yes, Reverend, I would. Thank you so much."

Deep breath Liv, deep breath. You got this girl. "Amanda for the longest time, I have denied my true feelings hidden under ignorance, shame, naivety, stubbornness, fear and yes even nerves. We didn't get off to a great start when you first came to New York, you were nervous, traumatized, I was bitter, angry, hurt so beyond hurt by Elliot's departure. I am so sorry now for all of it."

Stroking the imprint of my thumb across her cheek I bring her gorgeous body closer. "Don't be nervous my love, Liv you are one of the strongest woman, I know you got this, and if you feel weak, I am right here, you are my everything, in case you didn't know. I'm crazy about you. This is our journey, together, neither one of us will ever be alone again."

She's spoken all the words I have reeling around in a nervous hamster wheel over my heart, I knew she was it since our first date, what I never knew was how to allow myself to feel these feelings, how to allow myself to admit out loud to the world. I am Gay, and I am okay with this fact. A fact I buried for fifty plus years.

Something she was never ashamed about herself ever since we met she was always living out loud, and proud, I mean she wasn't some neon rainbow flag or anything, she was just comfortable with herself. Proud of who is she. It's refreshing, alluring, seductive, delicious, my mouth waters my eyes scan her tight body which looks amazing in her designer Gucci pants suit given to her by one of our clients who owns an outlet here in the City. Simple black elegance with a pink silk blouse her long blond hair is crimped and falls over her left shoulder.

"Amanda you are my home, my anchor this job has haunted me, left me wounded, jaded, cynical broken in so many ways. Since you came into my life, you've shown me how to open up. I've had a lot of relationships in my life. I've even fallen in love a few times, none of them however have been able to calm my sails. You've been the one standing besides me on my journey through all my trauma you've been my boat, today here in this church surrounded by our families, friends. I make a promise, a promise I will forever keep, to honor you, treasure you and you're spirit, your uniqueness, intensity. I will hold you when those demons threaten to unravel you. When you are sick I shall be your nurse, shower you with patience, tender loving care, I promise to support you, guide you and love you through every season of our ever changing lives."

"I promise to share my life with you unashamed, open. This commitment is made freely not taken in vain, for the first time in my life I can see my future clearly stretched out in your eyes vast like a beautiful blue ocean, so much beauty. I want to swim in this sea of life, together. I am not afraid to drown because you are my anchor. I vow to be faithful, honest to not just stand by your side but on your side, behind you and in front of you."

With out even thinking about it I wipe her tears, kiss her forehead she's shaking even more, but smiling like an angel. "Wow," she breaths out full of anticipation, nerves "this is more nerve wrecking than graduating than the police academy." Everyone laughs which helps both of us relax slightly.

"Olivia ever since I was a little girl, I have been thinking about the future. We both know most of my demons come from my childhood. When I was a kid I crouched behind anything big enough to hide me, my parents fought worse than the Soldiers in Nam. I was filled with hate, shame. I blamed myself mostly for being weak, afraid swore that one day I'd be bigger, stronger, I'd find someone who would love me. I knew somehow we'd be together and I would never hurt again."

"I've grown up since then, part of my survival was you dearest Liv, I first noticed you when u was a senior in high school, you made the news as an SVU newbie who brought down a ring of child abusers, you gave those victims a voice. You gave them power, you gave me hope."

She squeezes back tears, biting her lower lip letting out a shaky breath. God I hate hearing about the pain of her childhood. Knowing now that the night of my big bust when I was out celebrating my career changing move, she had been living through one of her worst nights in her life, a night she was damn lucky to survive. I see the pain, trauma, and memories all the scars still burn so brightly in her orbs. Her parents that were suppose to love her protect her, instead became her demons, holding her inside a clock of darkness, they've never truly left her either even all these years later. She just found new ways to dim their voices, to bury the pain and anger.

"You became my muse Olivia, as I rose in the ranks of the Academy I wanted to No I hoped I dreamed that someday I could be as brave, compassionate and as powerful as you not just for myself, but for my victims, so I could hold the power over the monsters who took pleasure in ripping away the innocence of childhood. I wanted to become another little kid's hope for a future that wasn't filled with bruises, fear, hurt, I needed to be someone else saving grace, the way you were mine. It doesn't take away the past, those memories will always be with me, but I knew if I held on took the sneers, jokes and comments by those pigs, I knew that even as part of me died, I knew I would survive because someday I could be someone's savior. I could be the voice those little kids needed." She's shaking so badly now I'm almost scared she'll pass out right here at the alter, so I wrap my arms tighter around her waist. I can breathe in her tantalizing scent of Vanilla and cinnamon. "Breathe honey, just breathe, I will forever hold you."

"When I came to New York after everything that happened back in the ATL, I was scared, in denial and wanted to impress you, eager to make a fresh start, to work along side my idol, the woman who I admired for the better part of my adult life. I can't deny there was tension I felt it wash off you in waves, I was hurt not understanding what I did wrong, I started to become nervous even being in your presence. When our eyes caught across the room I always found myself mentally scolding myself for anything I might have screwed up, any tiny compliment you gave out I savored, but always told myself I didn't deserve. Honestly it took a very long time for me to open up to you, being in love is hard enough, being a woman in love with another woman just opens yourself up for all kinds of judgments, accusations. It's a new kind of hell, one that if your reckless with your love you can seriously get burned. So I waited till I was sure that you liked me in the same way. I would wait … well only forever. I mean it's not that long of a time, not when I've waited my whole life already."

"Just a life time Amanda, only a lifetime."

"Liv, I'd wait a thousand lifetimes, a thousands of only forever's."

"I was terrified to take this shot Amanda."

"I know Liv, I'd wait up all night and day for you worrying about how the river of denial would damage you. I've seen it eat away at souls before."

"I've done things I wasn't proud of Liv, everyone told me it would be too late, I shouldn't wait you would never see me as anything but a small town hick, a screw up an addict."

"Their fools Amanda, it took me awhile but I won't let anyone put you on shelf just give me one more chance."

"I'll give you that chance Liv, but it only lasts...any guesses?"

She smiles so beautifully it melts me.

"Only forever Rollins?"

"Yes, that's how long I plan to spend my life with you."

"Olivia repeat after me." Rev Elise turns to me my palms caress Amanda's cheek she takes my breath away with her radiance.

"Amanda you are my best friend, everlasting strength, eternal happiness, I'll happily spend only forever with you."

I take the ring slipping it over her finger. "Now with this ring on your finger I promise to stand with you as we share this life and cherish the beautiful memories we make together."

"Liv your hands are a gift to me, they are my best friend, the holder of my heart, they work besides me, together we will build a life, a future when we are wrinkled and older we will still be holding each other together."

"Liv, I take you for now for always and forever to have to hold to treasure with every breathe left, every tear and heartache, every heartbeat, I love you with old griefs with childhood faith, a love I thought I had lost with passing of age with lost saints. I love thee with thy breath, smiles and tears of life, if God shall choose I shall love thee better after death."

My fingers remain shaking as she slips on the ring matching symbols of our love. "I now declare you wives, you may now kiss your bride."

Neither one of us waste a moment of forever, we smile as our lips lock. Only Forever somehow it still doesn't seem long enough.

**(A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or favored any of my fics, left reviews. I was inspired by Miss4412 on Twitter to update today. Been lacking motivation lately but the sweet tweet this user sent encouraged me today. Have an amazing weekend everyone. How is everyone feeling about season 21 so far?) **


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